God's Timing

Today I wanted to go to church.  That was a tough decision for me since we haven't been since Christmas.  We haven't been because I have been in limbo.

You see, I was approached about taking a ministry position at a church back in November.  It was the position of worship leader.  I thought long and hard about it and finally decided at the beginning of January to apply.

I interviewed and felt positive about it but the search committee needed to take some time to consider me.  During that time, I did a lot of self reflection and soul searching.  It was during that time I clearly heard God say "No, this is not what you need to do."  However, I wanted to see if the search team would hear the same thing so I did not say anything.

When I was in Parris Island for the week two weeks ago, I decided that when I got home, I was going to notify someone that I didn't feel led to take the position anymore.  Our lives in the Tanner home are just crazy busy.  Well, when I got home, much to my surprise, I had a letter waiting on me from the church that said they felt led to go in a different direction.

I should have been happy.  Right?

Honestly, I was hurt. "Why wasn't I good enough" was my first thought.  I started battling old demons at that point.  Then, I realized how stupid I was being.  I was going to tell them and they just did it first.  It was a total God thing and exactly what needed to happen.

On the same day, I received an email from someone that Rusty used to work with who informed me that had he not had his stroke when he did, he would have gotten let go.  Everyone in Rusty's position was let go with the company realigning how they did things.  Rusty's boss even was let go.  We would have lost all our benefits (short and long term disability). 

When I learned all of this on the same day, God humbled me.  He wanted me to know that He had an ultimate plan all along.  I could not see the bigger picture.  He was looking out for us even if this stroke wasn't exactly how I would have liked for it to have been handled.

Today's message in church was about God's Timing.  It was the most appropriate sermon I could have heard today.   We do not see what God sees. He knows what is best for us.    That is a hard pill for me to swallow most of the time.  I want to direct God.  I want to tell him what I WANT.  He wants to give us exactly what we need.

Not only the message today but one song in particular got to me.  This song is a song I have sung over and over again but today the lyrics just pierced my soul.  I am including the lyrics below the video.  Please take time to look at it and absorb all that you need to.

Hillsong United – Majesty Lyrics

Here I am, humbled by your majesty,
Covered by your grace so free.
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man,
Covered by the blood of the lamb.

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
Since You laid down Your life,
The greatest sacrifice.

Majesty
Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in Your hands

Here I stand humbled by the love that You give,
Forgiven so that I can forgive.
So here I stand,
Knowing that I am Your desire,
Sanctified by glory and fire.
And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
Since You laid down Your life,
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty
Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in Your hands
Majesty
Majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of Your Majesty

Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty handed but alive in your hands.
Singing Majesty, Majesty.
Forever I am changed by Your love,
In the presence of Your Majesty.
Majesty.

Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty handed but alive in your hands.
Singing Majesty, Majesty.
Forever I am changed by Your love,
In the presence of Your Majesty.
Majesty.