God....I'm angry at you

Ok... how many of have ever said that to God?  Well, I seem to every day these days.  I want to scream and ask him "Why God?  Why us?  Why do this to the Tanner Family?"  For months after Rusty's stroke, I did just that.  I screamed "Why" at God.

Then, one day, I heard God answer me back.  I heard him say "Why not you?"  Wow, what a humbling experience.  Seriously God, why not me?  Why not our family?  We are nothing special.  There should not be any reason why this should not happen to us.

This whole journey has made me aware how many people are watching my reactions.  They are watching my response to our circumstances.  What I hope happens is that I pray God will receive all the honor and glory behind our situation.  I pray that He is glorified.

Our family is nothing special.  I look around and see all the heartbreak going on in this world and realize that our journey isn't that hard.  I have had the opportunity to meet a mother who lost her only son to a motorcycle incident at the age of 25.  I have had the awe inspiring opportunity to witness a friend of mine dealing with his own cancer battle.  I've watched people I've followed on Facebook loose a small child to a fatal disease.  It is when I witness these people that I realize our situation is not so bad.  We are truly blessed.  Rusty is still here and we are still a family.  For that I am thankful.

I won't lie, being thankful isn't hard but staying thankful is.  It is so hard to remember day in and day out to be thankful when another situation presents itself which seems overwhelming.  I get so angry at times with the circumstances. I have to remember that everything we go through is the fire.

I remember a commercial years ago for the Marines.  It showed how a sword is forged and put through the first several times and beaten several times to mold it into a beautiful end product.  I believe that is how we go through life.  I believe God allows us to be put through the fire in order to mold us into the person he wants us to be.  He allows us to experience heartbreak and sadness.  He allows us to experience the good and bad.  The end product is a beautiful product.  But what we have to remember that we become beautiful when we give glory to the Forger.  God is that Forger.

 So, while this journey is difficult, I have to remember that anger will be part of it.  Mainly because  we are human.  We are going to be angry.  God was angry at Adam when he lied in the Garden of Eden.  Anger is a valid emotion.  But, if we harbor that anger day in and day out, we produce bad fruit.  The Fruits of the Spirit are:  Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness and Self Control.  Nowhere in that list does anger show up.  When we are angry, that just means our tree isn't producing fruit.  We go into a sort of hibernation.  You can be angry but don't wallow in that anger.  Allow God to forge you into the beautiful person you are supposed to be.  Allow him to mold you, bend you, create you.  Be thankful for the circumstances you are put through.  That is the fire.